Forgiveness

The hardest thing in the world is forgiveness. I am sure most of you will agree with me. When things happen to you that you have no control over and you are hurt, it is not only hard to forget, but almost imposable to forgive.

When someone lies to you, it is hard to trust them again, and when they keep doing it, it is even harder to forgive.

When I was a young child I was sexually abused. It ended 37 years and I still struggle to forgive the person that did this to me.

I have had church leaders, psychiatrists, psychologists, Licensed Clinical Social Workers, family members tell me that if I forgive I will be better off.

Just over three years ago my life drastically changed when the doctor told me that he thought I had cancer. I had lost over 70 pounds, been to every specialist my doctor could think of and I started thinking a lot about my family, my kids, my future and things that I would change if I had a chance.One of the things that I wanted to do was to forgive the person that changed my life in such a careless way.

As a country song says, I forgive but I will never forget.  I finally forgive the person that changed my life forever, and if you were still around I could talk to you and ask why you would do something like that to me, a small child. I would try to get you help, and I would watch his every move.  

As many of you know, Amy Grant is one of my favorite singers, and Ask Me is a song she wrote about a girlfriend that was sexually abused.

If you have been abused, please get help and learn somehow to forgive, if you are the abuser, turn yourself in and get help.

Ask Me
Amy grant/tom hemby
Copyright © 1991 age to age music, inc./edward grant, inc./puxico music (ascap), adm. by reunion music group, inc.

Amy Says “This song is about a girlfriend of mine. If you or someone you love has been a victim of sexual abuse, please don't be afraid to seek help. the sexual abuse helpline is open 24 hours a day, and
Ne who cares is waiting for your call...(800)4a-child


I see her as a little girl hiding in her room
She takes another bath and she sprays her momma's perfume
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind
But it haunts her mind.

You see she's his little rag, nothing more than just a waif
And he's mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid
Maybe she'll find a way through these awful years to disappear.

Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heaven
Where did he go in the middle of her shame?
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heavens
I see no mercy and no one down here's naming names
Nobody's naming names.

Now she's looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face
No more frightened little girl, like she's gone without a trace
Still she leaves the light burning in the hall
It's hard to sleep at all.

Still she crawls up in her bed acting quiet as a mouse

Deep inside she's listening for a creaking in the house
But no one's left to harm her, she's finally safe and sound
There's a peace she's found.

Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heaven
Where did he go in the middle of her shame?
Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heavens
She said his mercy is bringing her life again.

Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven
(how do you know? )
Where did he go in the middle of her shame
(where did he go? )
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens
(how do you know? )
She said his mercy is bringing her life again
She's coming to life again.

He's in the middle of her pain
In the middle of her shame
Mercy brings life
He's in the middle
Mercy in the middle.

So ask me how I know
Ask me how I know, yeah
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven
(how do you know? )
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens
(how do you know? )
Yeah, ask me how I know
(how do you know? )
Ask me
Ask me
Ask me how I know
(how do you know? )
There's a God up in the heavens
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens.

The Light

Have you ever struggled with things and then you figure out the answer much later. Like how the heck does bread end up in the bag. I know the answer, I watch How It's Made.

I have had questions about things my whole life. I think it is because I have ADD and I think about 100 things at a time.

Why did my mom and my dad have to both die from cancer? Why did I end up divorced? Why is there so much abuse, so much unhappiness, war. The list could go on for hours.

I have struggled with reasons that things happen and why they happen. Why someone does something and it hurts others instead of them.

Life does not seem fair sometimes, and I don't have the answers why.

But I do believe that things happen for a reason. All things. But I don't know why and someday I will have many questions that will be answered.

So, today I was at a meeting, and the light went on. A conversation from over 15 years ago finally made me realize what the person was trying to tell me.

Something that happened over four years ago, was not my fault, and I realize that.

Something that happened last week, happened for a reason, and the meeting I had today HAD to happen for me to realize things.

And the rock that I talked about before. It is starting to make perfect sense.

So, if you are having problems, pray! If you want the answers, start listening, and if all else fails, start believing.

The light will turn on, even if you think it is burnt out.